Q&A: Sharing the dog in divorce with Ex-husband.

Question. 

I'm going through a divorce with my husband, and we're sharing the dog, but he's an asshole, and he's not willing to cooperate when it comes to sharing the dog. He's making it more difficult for us to coexist while sharing him, so we are going to court. I don't know what to do! I'm not going to give up my dog, and I know he's not either. I don't want to go through this for the rest of my life, dealing with him or for the next ten years while we share the dog. The dog is only four years old, what should I do?

Answer. 

The question isn't really what you should do? It's how I can think about this differently in a way that serves me? 

Remember your ex knows you probably better than you know yourself. Most likely, your ex tries to do his best to make you upset so that you eventually give up the dog, and he wins. He knows that you resent him, and he's going to do everything in his power to make sure that you hate him enough that you give up, so he's not going to make it easy on you.

           What do you do? You do the unexpected. Process how are want to feel in a way that serves you, not him. I would offer to You love him, not for him, but you. As you said, your dog is young. You'll probably be having to share him for the next ten years. Loving him will give you the power because now you're coming from love and compassion for him and the dog. And that's the only way you're going to get through this for the next ten years unless you give up. In which case, that's what your ex is wanting you to do. He wants you to give up, so he's going to make it as hard as possible. When you love him, you'll do what you need to do for yourself and your dog. He won't expect that. He won't expect your compassion.

           Now you might be asking, "How do I love someone when there are so many bad feelings there? Remember, I'm going through a divorce. How do I love someone that's putting me through hell?" 

It's your thoughts that's causing bad feelings for you. Manage them!

There's a little trick that I teach that you can do where you imagine when you're dealing with your ex, try to think about what it was like when you first met. Try to think about what it was like when you were dating together for the first time. Remember what it was like to laugh together. Remember the nonstop making love, the traveling together, all it was in the beginning. The best time it was in the relationship. Try to think about him from that place and access those emotions. When you access those emotions because of your thinking, your actions can reflect that when dealing with him. I'm not saying to access these things because you should be together, I'm saying to access these things for you so that the next ten years of your life, or however long you're sharing your dog, you have peace.

           Remember, this is for you, not him. He won't expect it, and who knows? His anger may also dissolve when he sees you leading by example and showing him love.