Creating Value
I wanted to share with you my coaching session on trying to do everything I want and creating value in the world. I hope this helps you.
Coach:
What can I coach you on?
Robert:
I'm having a bit of an issue with focusing. I have a tendency of trying to want to do a lot of different things.
And I get told a lot you can't do everything and I've been coached on this before. And the last person to coach me on it explained to me is that really true that you can't? And she helped me see that I can do the things that I want to do.
I just have to do them in a way where they're planned.
And so I've been trying to go to that place of... I want to do XYZ. So to give you some color, I have a full-time job. I have a business with my husband. I have a coaching business as well, and I'm trying to write a book to help promote my coaching business.
Coach:
Sure.
Robert:
And so around trying to do all of those things, I'm finding myself get overwhelmed. And then when I get overwhelmed, I try to do a little bit of everything and then nothing gets produced.
Coach:
Right.
Robert:
And so I've been trying to bring myself back to focus on okay, what am I trying to produce?
Coach:
Okay.
Robert:
And I'm finding that I'm feeling guilty around or beating myself up around not producing the amount that I'm thinking I'm able to produce.
Coach:
Okay. So the things that you're producing, tell me if you could define producing, what are all the things that prove that you are producing?
Robert:
I want an asset. I want a tangible asset at the end of that hour or time that I set. So a specific result.
Coach:
Okay.
Robert:
So, if I say, I want to do my query letter for my book, I want to make sure that query letter is done in that time. Or if I say we've got a new portal for one of our clients, if I say I want to have information put in that portal at a certain time, all that information that I say I want to put it in there is done during that time.
And when it's not done, I start to say, "Oh, this is because you're scattered or you're not focusing, or you're not..."
And then that gets me in a place of guilt of like, I have an impossible goal of 10 million, and I'm never going to get there if I don't know how to focus, if I don't know how to finish one thing first.
So I start to do that whole thing and I know it's not helping me. And I know it's not serving me. So I try to go back to... again, given this space, but I keep falling out of it. And I think the reason I'm falling out of it is because my brain does not know how to write a book and it's hard.
So it wants me to go to the comfort thing that I know, which is the other stuff.
Coach:
Sure. Which is exactly the primitive brain, what you've explained.
Robert:
Exactly.
Coach:
And then you've also explained your prefrontal cortex brain and what it wants to accomplish.
Robert:
Yes.
Coach:
And so which part of your brain is winning right now?
Robert:
The part of my brain that I feel like is winning is probably the primitive brain, because I don't feel good about the results that I'm producing. And the other thing I'm struggling with too, is I'm trying to produce results from a place of peace. And I'm finding myself feeling frantic and anxiety and overwhelmed and rushing because of that.
And I really want it to come from a place of peace.
Coach:
For sure. Right.
Robert:
Serve me because I do produce results that are rushed.
Coach:
Okay. So you mentioned the word focus several times.
Robert:
Yeah.
Coach:
How do you define the word focus?
Robert:
Sticking on that task until the result is achieved on that task.
Coach:
Okay. And so when you put yourself in that definition, what do you think about yourself and the word focus?
Robert:
I think about myself that I struggle with focus. And I know I have ADD and I am on medication for it.
And it's better than it has been, but sometimes I'm thinking maybe I over committed myself. Maybe I was unrealistic about what I could actually do, having a full-time job and having two businesses.
Coach:
Okay. Those are interesting thoughts. I struggle with focus. I over committed myself, I'm unrealistic.
Robert:
Mm-hmm (affirmative). Right. And I'm always being told by my husband, "You're delusional. You're unrealistic." And maybe that's also why those thoughts are there.
Coach:
Well, are you choosing to believe him?
Robert:
So many people tell me that. So I straddle this line between, do I like listening to that? Is that true? Is that something I need to work on? And no, let that be your thing. I don't believe in that. I believe that I can do these things.
Coach:
Okay. So if you step back, I mean, you have this lovely living area, so you can just kind of step outside the window, assuming that there would a patio there. I don't know if there is or not. And you're looking in at you.
You're looking in at you, you're seeing what you do during the day. You see that you're going from here to here to here, you're seeing the frustration. You're seeing the success. You're seeing lots of different things.
Robert:
Yes. Yes.
Coach:
When you step back and you just kind of are a fly on the wall or a bird on the ledge.
Look at you. And what do you think?
Robert:
I think that I can calm down. My life is amazing. Everything else is just gravy and I can calm down.
Coach:
Yeah. Do you believe that? That you can calm down.
Robert:
I do when I step back.
Coach:
Okay.
Robert:
I do. I know that I've reached conventional success and that I'm trying to reach extraordinary success and that's hard.
And my brain knows how to scratch and claw to get there. But I think I need to figure out a way to get there without doing that.
What my brain is used to, because that's not going to get me to my next place.
Coach:
Right. I mean, you got to this place by scratching, working hard, doing all the things, clawing, grit.
Robert:
Right. Yes.
Coach:
But what if you don't have to do that anymore? What if you're done with that?
So answer this question. What are you learning? I'm learning that what?
Robert:
I'm learning that I should take a pause.
I do my models when I'm feeling this way, but I do miss the pause part. I just go into the model and I write it down.
And then I try to change the feeling and go from that action.
But maybe I'm learning that I should just pause.
Coach:
Do you want to pause or is it just something you feel like you should do?
Robert:
My initial reaction to that is it's something you should do. And you actually have been practicing mindfulness long enough to know that that's something you should do and...
Coach:
Is it fun doing things you should do?
Robert:
It is not. The other thing too is I think I use a lot of the knowledge against myself that I learned in the school or that I hear Brooks say around having a sense of urgency towards, you should have a sense of urgency towards your impossible goal. And I think I used that against myself. When I feel like I'm too at peace, then you're not working hard enough. Why are you so at peace?
Coach:
But isn't that what you want? I mean, just a few minutes ago, you said, "I want to do this from a place of peace and calm..."
Robert:
Yes.
Coach:
But then as soon as you are that way, it's like bang yourself over the head with it and create some chaos and...
Robert:
Yeah. It's like, why am I... I should totally be feeling uncomfortable because that's the currency to where you're going to go. If you're not uncomfortable, you're at peace, you're not going anywhere. That's the shit that I... It's like, what am I, I'm struggling between that. I'm a VIP now. I was a diamond previously and I worked my way back to a VIP when I came back. And now I'm like, I'm trying to find the balance between the peace and the sense of urgency of being uncomfortable to get to the next level.
Coach:
Yeah.
Robert:
And that's, I think that's my probably my biggest issue with all this.
Coach:
Well, and your primitive brain is just being a little loud and obnoxious right now.
Robert:
Exactly.
Coach:
Because it's not used to, Oh, you can be peaceful yet still progressing and working towards your goals, which is uncomfortable.
Robert:
Right, right.
Coach:
But what's the level of discomfort? Does it have to be off the charts uncomfortable or can it just be a little uncomfortable and you can still feel peace within the discomfort?
Robert:
Yes.
Coach:
Okay. I'm learning that I should take a pause. What about I'm learning that I want to pause?
Robert:
Yes. I'm learning that I want to pause and provide clarity for myself.
Coach:
Okay.
Robert:
And being clear about where I am and where I want to go and the emotion that I want to generate to go there.
Coach:
Okay. What about this? I'm becoming a person who...
Robert:
Mm. I love that. I'm becoming a person who loves to pause and get clear when the feeling of overwhelm comes in that uses that as a trigger to pause and get clear to generate the results I want from a place of peace.
Coach:
Okay.
Robert:
Yeah.
Coach:
Becoming a person who loves to pause and get clear when the feeling of overwhelm comes in and use that as a reason to pause and to get clear.
Robert:
Yeah.
Coach:
Beautiful.
Robert:
I love that too. Yeah.
Coach:
Okay. What are you open to believing? I'm open to believing that what?
Robert:
I'm open to believing that what got me to where I am now won't get me to the next level and I don't have to do everything myself. I can trust my business partner who's my husband to do some things for the business. I can plan and stick to my plan. And it's okay if I don't always produce the result I want in that time, what matters is that I go back.
Coach:
Okay. That's offering yourself some grace and some mercy.
Robert:
Yeah. And allowing me to have some peace.
Coach:
Exactly.
Robert:
Yeah.
Coach:
Yeah. Because I mean, these tools that the school offers with Monday R1 or whatever, if we are just having students and scholars beat themselves up with these tools, what's the point?
Robert:
Right.
Coach:
What are you seeking evidence for? I'm seeking evidence that...
Robert:
I'm seeking evidence that I can be someone who can write a book, be an author. I'm seeking evidence that I know how to create value.
Coach:
What happens when you look for that evidence?
Robert:
When I look for it, to be honest, I don't know if I've looked for it. I don't know if I've stepped back enough to look for that evidence. I just go to doing. Action, action. To my mind, action produce results. Action produce results.
Coach:
Which does not produce the calm and the peace.
Robert:
Exactly. So I think that's where I'm open to believing on a person who can look for evidence.
Coach:
Okay.
What would that even look like? What does it look like in your world for the next minute to look for evidence that you can be someone who can write a book or create value or whatever? How would you even go about looking for evidence?
Robert:
Well, I do it now with my full-time job. I'm creating value. That's why they pay me.
I'm doing it now with our clients who pay us for company, me and my husband.
I'm doing it now with the clients that I have in my coaching business and my design business and the evidence that my loved ones tell me and friends tell me about how talented I am as a coach and a designer. There's evidence all around me of the value that I can show the world, the gifts that I have.
Coach:
And have you received the evidence?
Robert:
I have received the evidence. I guess I want to try to find the evidence I need, well, I don't need, I want to become someone who sees the evidence that I can produce, the 10 million a year that I want to do just for fun.
I don't need that much money, but I think it'll be fun.
Coach:
Totally.
Robert:
And that's the evidence that I have an opportunity to start to see. I've been playing around with the ideas of how to do that at that level. I keep hearing, to make seven figures, you got to think in seven figures. And so I'm looking for ways to think in seven figures to get to that level.
Coach:
And is that from an unfocused, graspy place or is that from a place of peace and calm and belief?
Robert:
I don't think I've been doing it from a place of peace and calm belief. I think it's been a place of I got to come up with these ideas in seven figures. I got to write it, you know what I mean?
Coach:
Straight to the action.
Robert:
Yeah. Straight to the action. I want to give myself some room to really see how I can create that value at that level from a place of just peace and having fun.
Coach:
Yeah. I mean, what if you started on the thought line rather than the action line?
Robert:
I ask myself, how did I create the 10 million as a thought?
Coach:
Your future self has all the answers.
Robert:
Right.
Coach:
And these thoughts that we would just went through, the I'm learning that, I'm becoming a person who, I'm open to believing, all of those thoughts are going to get you to the $10 million Robert.
Robert:
Yes.
Coach:
Instead of just jumping to the action line, no wonder you feel overwhelmed a lot.
Robert:
I know. I know. It's like, this was so helpful. Yeah.
Coach:
So what next? Where do you want to start? What do you want to think?
Robert:
I want to take a pause here about my schedule and where I want to put in the things I want to do and where I want to delegate.
And I want to take an hour to really look at the seven figure value that I want to create.
And how I'm going to have fun doing that before I go into the action.
Coach:
Okay.
So it sounds like you have a lot more coherent and conscious intention.
Robert:
Yeah. I want to get out of this I have to all the time. I have to, have to, I don't have to do anything. I'm perfectly comfortable.
Coach:
Just do what you want to do. Forget the rest.
Robert:
Exactly. So I love that. Yeah. Cool.
Coach:
That's beautiful. I'm excited for you.
The next time I coach you, you're probably going to be halfway there.
Robert:
Thank you so much.
Coach:
Oh, you're welcome. It's a pleasure to see you today. Have a great rest of your afternoon.
Robert:
All right. You too. Bye.